Hen’s day in Geelong.
with Andy’s Trails Wine Tours.
A day in the life of a recent Hen’s group that went on our Vines of the Bellarine Wine tour.
‘We neither encourage nor discourage this behaviour’
Except for Janet. No one likes Janet
Have a great healthy breakfast of chia and organic avocado and a herbal peppermint ginger tea because thats who you are. Text the girls to say how excited you are – displayed through a collection of smiley emojis. Accidentally text a thumbs up and a eggplant emoji to your mum and follow up with a recipe for eggplant risotto.
Meet the girls at the winery and have a round of sparkling wines whilst you wait for Andy the wine tour guide to pick you up in the Andy’s Trails bus. Tell everyone that you love them all and are so excited.
Tell Andy your not going to drink on the bus and its a pretty tame day ahead for your group. Except for the English aunt Janet who borderline got invited to the wedding but is on the hens day regardless and wants to know when she will be “flashing her tits” as she liked doing that in the seventies.
First Stop. Admire the amazing grounds of the vineyard, comment that it must be the right season for Pinot and enjoy the guide taking you through each wine and its grape variety. Janet spits out the wine on the ground saying its rancid.
Second Stop. Comment that the grounds are also nice but they better have more wine at this stop. Tell Andy it is his responsibility that they have more wine and his Facebook review depends on it but laugh while you say it. Listen to half of the wine talk and skull the rest of the wine
Third Stop. Hope Andy doesn’t mind that you’re drinking champagne on the bus. Yell out that you won’t drop any of it on the floor. Drop most of it. Ignore the grounds upon arrival and spend the tasting texting on your phone to the same people on the wine tour who are texting you. Skull all your wine. Janet spits out the wine saying its rancid.
Fourth stop. Forget everything that you said to Andy at the start of the day and throw tampons out of the bus window. Tell half the group you’re not sure if they are invited to the wedding. Janet spits out the wine on the bus window saying its rancid. Ignore everything at the vineyard and skull everything.
Fifth stop. Make Andy the tour guy drive through Maccas drive through and ask for 5 Big Macs and 23 different types of soft serve cones. Get frustrated when Andy won’t ask if they can include a young nude Puerto Rican man. Eat 4 of the soft serves yourself and throw the rest on the floor. Watch it slide around in the champagne and cry a little. Stuff 4 Big Macs in your bag for later. Tell Andy it’s the best tour ever.
Sixth stop. Pretend your sober as you walk in. Order 18 tequilas even though there are only 11 of you. Cry a little. Forget you ordered the tequilas, tell everyone you hate them and throw 2 soggy Big Macs at Janet.
Janet was a total philistine, the vineyards we visit on our vines of the bellarine tour are handpicked and truly outstanding. Don’t take life too seriously.
Places we love to visit on our Wine Tour that may or may not be venues that had the pleasure of Janet and co.